Rules of Zombie films

I've been inspired by Zombieland to make a list of rules that zombie films follow, for good or bad reasons.

Good Rules:

1) Characters don't wear protective headgear

So the characters in these films always know that the zombie virus is blood borne... yet none of them ever wear mouth or eye protection to stop the blood from their zombie victims infecting them if it splashes. This is a good rule, though. Not having headgear allows us to identify with the characters much more and it takes a really, really skilled actor to act through a mask.

2) Aim for the head

It's well established that zombies die from a shot to the head. Why? Well, you're an idiot if you really want to ask that question. Zombies are impossible thanks to Rigor Mortis and nerve degeneration. If zombies existed they'd be a 28 days later style creation where they'd die just fine from a shot to the heart or stomach. The fiction must be maintained, though, because if zombies die just like anyone else, they're not much of a threat.


3) Characters always keep on the move

Face is, the best way to actually survive a zombie apocalypse is to stay where you are, barricade yourself in and survive. If the zombies are virus infected humans, they'll starve to death. If they're dead, they'll decay. If Dawn of the Dead has proved anything, though, it's that it's really damn hard to inject tension into a situation where the characters constantly stay in the same place. Dawn of the Dead solved this problem by having a cast of complete morons, which was possibly not the best solution in the world. Better to keep the cast moving.


Bad Rules:

1) At some point a main character must die

This usually happens about half to two thirds of the way through. The characters get too comfortable with the zombie killing, get sloppy and let one of their number die. In the less good zombie films, of course, many characters die. This is, of course, done to make the stakes clear to this audience. The thing is, we allready know the stakes. We know that death is bad. This rule only serves to piss off the audience who have spent their time getting to know and like the characters.


2) Characters only use guns

Granted, you don't really want to get close to these things but I'd love to see a talented martial artist go to work on zombies. Possibly with a katana or a bo staff. Seriously, can you imagine Tony Jaa versus zombies? Would be even more awesome than this.


3) Pretensions to a horror atmosphere.

Someone tell George Romero- zombies aren't scary. Seriously. Granted, they *can* be. Bits of Dead Set were horrible. But as an out and out horror, they just don't work, there are too many ways to dispatch them. Horror only really works when it doesn't follow real world rules (in my opinion). The thing is, though, zombie films are often at their best when they're not trying to be horror films. Look at the original Resident Evil film - the best bits are when Milla Jovovich flips out and starts kicking arse. There are so many things you can do with zombie films that just having them as tense epics seems tragically unimaginative.



Notable Exceptions to these rules:

(warning - here be spoilers)

Good Rules:

1) Characters don't wear protective headgear

Film: 28 Days Later

The introduction to Frank, one of the best characters, is made all the more powerful because he's dressed in Riot Gear - this guy knows what he's doing, we think. It makes his death just that bit of a fucker when he gets infected because he wasn't wearing gear we know he has.

Bad Rules:

1) At some point a main character must die

Film: Zombieland

This film subverts so many zombie rules but the best one by a mile is that (epic spoiler) it doesn't kill any of the four main characters. This is fantastic. It does still follow this rule, sort of, but I'm not going to spoil that for you. Five words: "Do you regret anything?" For the answer, you'll have to watch the film.

2) Characters only use guns

Film: Zombieland

Granted, guns are the weapon of choice but Zombieland takes real joy in mixing this up with various melee weapons.


3) Pretensions to a horror atmosphere.

Game: Left 4 Dead

I'm cheating a bit by using a game here but it is a big exception so it stands... Left 4 Dead works brilliant because the zombies are scary yet canon fodder at the same time. If one of these factors were taken away, the awesome would drain away with it.