Drunk review of Max Payne 2

-Note: I was originally doing this as a video but didn't in the end. Basically I wanted to review a game purely for how it was to get drunk to-

Chosing a game to get drunk to is a long and complex process and one I solved by falling back on an old favourite – Max Payne 2.

The reason I chose Max Payne 2 is it comprises of the optimum balance of the two elements needed for drunken gaming: fun action sequences and lots of cut scenes to continue the drinking in.

I’ve previously considered Max Payne 2 the ideal game to get drunk to but I haven’t tried this in over a year so I thought I’d dust it off and share the experience with an unsuspecting public.

To replicate this experience, you will need vodka, mixers, glasses, Max Payne 2 cds (CDs! OLD SCHOOL!), giant Princess Liea Headphones because your girlfriend is asleep and A CAN DO ATTITUDE.

The install process took eight minutes and forty two seconds, during which I was able to consume 42 mililitres of Vodka. Your results may vary.

It was nesecerry to spend thirty seconds setting up my graphics settings but if you’ve engaged in rigorour pre-drinking, this may not be nesecerry.

I picked Max Payne 2 because there are plenty of cut scenes and story sections where you can catch up on valuable drinking time denied you by the need to shoot people in the face during the action sequences. It seems that attention spans have decreased significantly since Max Payne 2 was first released, though, because it seemed to me that the number of cut scenes had tripled since I’d last played it. Whatever, though, more drinking for me.

I hit a major problem with this game, though. The first few levels are, not to put too find a point on it, shit. Max Payne 2 comes from the era when every FPS was an entirely corridor based affair but for the first few sections they’re such badly designed levels and you’re given such little ammo that I found myself dying constantly and for highly unconvincing reasons.

Thankfully, things pick up after half an hour or so, after roughly 200 mililitres of vodka had been consumed.

If you haven’t played Max Payne 2... I won’t even both explaining the plot. Suffice to say that it was considered one of the best games ever made back in 2003 but a lot has changed since then in gameplay tastes. I’m hoping most of you will have played it, though, and are watching this review simply for instructional purposes regarding how ideal it is to get drunk to.

The answer is... It’s not ideal but it does the job.

The problem with many modern games is they’re so focused on GAMEPLAY GAMEPLAY GAMEPLAY that they don’t give the player a chance to relax and you need time to relax to drink in. Max Payne 2 gives ample oppertunity for drinkage but the game does have several problems which sulley the experience slightly.

For a start, there aren’t any quicksaves so when you trip over your own feet in a drunken stupor you can get sent back unceremoniously to the start of the level. It also pulls one of the great old school gaming dick moves of not giving you any decent weapons until you’ve been playing for an hour and a half.

For me, the game doesnt’ realy kick in until the second hour of play and by then you’d hopefully be too drunk to properly appreciate it.

Aside from Mass Effect 2, there aren’t any modern games I’d recomend getting drunk to over Max Payne 2, which is an issue. Of the classic drinking games like Vapire Bloodlines and KOTOR, I’d say that Max Payne 2 is still the best, sadly, it’s not quite as good to pulverise your brain with as it was.